Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
