We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
