Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
