you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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