he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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