dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
