Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
