And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
