conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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