quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
