Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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