Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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