I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
