apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
