I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
