Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
