There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
a search helicopter?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
