we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
