Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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