my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
