the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
