The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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