Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
