I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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