I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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