Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
