dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to calm my uterus...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
