the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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