I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
