I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
