I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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