So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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