I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
