it wasn't lemon gatorade
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
