I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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