Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
