I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
