foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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