Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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