My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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