do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
