She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least life still wants to fuck me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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