This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I cockslap morals
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
