dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
