just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
