Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
