I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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