I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
