Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am one with the molecules
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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