i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
