every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
