I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
